• the girl in the RCG

The first date after a breakup

Updated: Jun 16, 2019

Navigating the online dating world after coming out of a long term relationship is somewhat daunting, and has proven to be a rose coloured glasses no-go-zone. Old habits generally stick, especially when it comes to romance, however in the world of photo+age+occupation and a 3 line bio of what your "up for" a blush tinge simply does not enhance reality.

Swiping right and discovering that you are an instant match with someone, somewhat draws out the combined reaction of a) yay someone likes the look of me and my attempt at a witty bio & b) is he just up for a shag???? followed by the inner haunting of - am I just up for a shag with this match as opposed to the one I had yesterday or five minutes ago. Both are acceptable options and only becomes exposed if and when the texting banter commences. Reality hits hard when the conversation shifts to location and time of the first meet up, and that is where the story gets real.

After many years (OK yes my whole life until recently) of listening intently to the verbal queues of my date to determine how I ought to react/ respond or say nothing to ensure that he likes me, I have decided to approach the whole experience with the independent, confident, new age woman mantra of authenticity and determination to only attempt an ongoing connection (ie continue to respond to the texting banter past the first three) with a man who asks interesting questions, sounds genuinely interested in where I am coming from and doesn't freak out when I answer his questions with the up front "calling a spade a fucking shovel" response. After all, if he can't deal with the 'real' me in the first texting conversation, then I've saved myself a whole heap of time and heartache not dragging this out endlessly.

AND...if there are red don't put on those rose coloured glasses and make them even those flags even the slightest of pink. Just walk away as quickly as possible, because tomorrow there are a whole list of new options to decide on swiping left or right.

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